


Happy Chatting!

by lxghtwoodlxve



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU - High School, Asexual Raphael, Bisexual Izzy, Bisexual Jace, Bisexual Maia, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Pansexual Simon, Swearing, They all are tbh, also v aggressive, bad parent robert, bad parent valentine, clary and sebastian are siblings, fuckboy meliorn, gay clary, good parent Maryse, good parent jocelyn, i dont know what this is and neither do you, joceluke – mentioned, jocelyn is a single mom, magnus is so extra, melon punching, mentioned Homophobia, not much raphael, sebby is normal, shadowhunters group chat, straight sebastian, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11492982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxghtwoodlxve/pseuds/lxghtwoodlxve
Summary: [12:32pm]{{ thepussyslaya added pawpatrol, izzysophia, SebasChan and heronwood to the chat! }}{{ Happy chatting! }}thepussyslaya: obne of u guys fucking did this and i will find out who and i will be very agnrypawpatrol: alec,, sweetie,,heronwood: it wasn’t me but i am FATHOMEDizzysophia: not mepawpatrol: alec,,,,,thepussyslaya: yes??pawpatrol: ur gay as all hell why is that your name





	1. FATHOMED

**Author's Note:**

> hi :))  
> idk i got bored so this happened  
> usernames:   
> clary: gingernut  
> jace: heronwood  
> alec: thepussyslaya  
> magnus: pawpatrol  
> izzy: izzysophia  
> simon: HQmemeGod  
> maia: MaiaBob  
> sebastian: SebasChan  
> raphael: humanespresso
> 
> stay safe, loves!!  
> -t xo

[12:32pm]

{{ thepussyslaya added pawpatrol, izzysophia, SebasChan and heronwood to the chat! }}

{{ Happy chatting! }}

thepussyslaya: obne of u guys fucking did this and i will find out who and i will be very agnry

pawpatrol: alec,, sweetie,,

heronwood: it wasn’t me but i am FATHOMED

izzysophia: not me

pawpatrol: alec,,,,,

thepussyslaya: yes??

pawpatrol: ur gay as all hell why is that your name

thepussyslaya: some1 changed it and i will find out who did

{{ heronwood added gingernut and HQmemeGod to the chat! }}

thepussyslaya: listen here,,, carrot,,,,

gingernut: wait what  
alec’s gay???

pawpatrol: oh my GOD biscuit, we told you??? at the hunters moon last week?????

gingernut: i was fukcking wasted that whole night fuck outta hea  
anyway alec good for u my tall fren

thepussyslaya: um ?? thanks i guess ???  
simon ur a fucking nerd was it tyou

HQmemeGod: no but im wheezing  
clary wheres my inhaler

gingernut: your bag

HQmemeGod: o shit u right  
no it wasn’t me but while we are here!!!!!

{{ HQmemeGod added MaiaBob and humanespresso to the chat! }}

humanespresso: What the hell do you guys want?

pawpatrol: raphael,,,

humanespresso: Yes?

pawpatrol: hello my wayward son   
when will u come back from the War

humanespresso: When the fire nation dies.

gingernut: ew grammar

HQmemeGod: ew spelling

thepussyslaya: you guys are so immature

MaiaBob: im busy but nice username alec

thepussyslaya: was it you?????

MaiaBob: no why tf

heronwood: The Plot Thickens

HQmemeGod: like soup :))))))

gingernut: ew simon wtf

HQmemeGod: i like soup

pawpatrol: I Like Turtles

thepussyslaya: nice

SebasChan: lol hi  
time 2 get #wild

gingernut: bro,,, chill  
also mom told me to tell you to stop doing something but i cant remememeber what it was

SebasChan: v helpful ginge

gingernut: fuck outta here

heronwood: wait sebby was it you

SebasChan: was it me what??? what did i do this time????

humanespresso: “This time”.

heronwood: some1 changed alecs username we need to find them and sell them to the infidels

SebasChan: o lol ya that was me :)))))

thepussyslaya: but why tho

SebasChan: it was both a gay joke and a malec joke  
are the infidels hot. if theyre hot slavery doesn’t sound so bad

gingernut: oh my god????

pawpatrol: malec :’)

thepussyslaya: what the hell is a malec

heronwood: alec,,,, bro,,,,,,,

izzysophia: this was wild  
im kinkshaming you seb

SebasChan: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
malec is you and magnuses names put together

izzysophia: magnus is a Boi why would he have a vagina

SebasChan: magnus is the human version of a cat,,, duh ????

gingernut: my brother is a crazy genius :’’’))

HQmemeGod: thats a lot of tears clary are u okay  
also are we all still going to Takis later????

gingernut: no im not okay not until malec happens

heronwood: ya i think we are

MaiaBob: me, rafi and sebastian cant make it but the rest of u have fun

gingernut: wait why ??

humanespresso: They’re taking me clothes shopping. Don’t ask why.

heronwood: okay sure  
so its me, simon, malec, and clizzy right

izzysophia: can i bring melon

HQmemeGod: you can buy melon there????

izzysophia: *meliorn

HQmemeGod: :0

gingernut: he is a Bad Boy!!! no iz!!!!

izzysophia: ??? thats the point ???

heronwood: listen here you fucking ginger,,,

pawpatrol: o shit

heronwood: your very own BROTHER vandaliesd the library with glitter glue

SebasChan: yeah i did that was a good day

gignernut: yeah but i didn’t HELP him !!

SebasChan: and i am v sad about it :((

thepussyslaya: you gave him the glue, fray !!!

pawpatrol: wow :O  
it is getting HEATED in here folks

HQmemeGod: so take off all ur clothesss

heronwood: ;))

gingernut: thats my fren get ur own >:((((

heronwood: um ???

thepussyslaya: can we just go to takis be4 i kill somone  
prolly one of you idiots  
also bring the fucking hippy if u want iz

izzysophia: :D


	2. jace punched the melon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was wild  
> also if you guys have any ideas or requests for things you want to see happen, let me know!  
> stay safe, loves!!  
> -t xo

[10:48pm]

gingernut: IZZY WHERE ARE U

izysophia: no dont worry just dfinish without me

thepussyslaya: iz please come back   
jace punched the melon

HQmemeGod: he also punched an actual melon but yes meliorn has a black eye

MaiaBob: wait!!!!! explain!!!!!!!

HQmemeGod: basically we were all having a Civilisied Dinner at Takis right

SebasChan: oh no

pawpatrol: oh yes

HQmemeGod: izzy brought meliorn, that hippy that shes ‘dating’ or whatever they call it

gingernut: fuck buddies,, simon,, fuck buddies. even tho iz rlly liked him

humanespresso: Oh no.

heronwood: anywauy the waitress was really pretty and he kept like,, checking her out

MaiaBob: what a dick  
izzy ill be over soon okay ill bring ice cream

izzysophia: can clary come over too

MaiaBob: ya why not

gingernut: of course!! ill bring some of my moms brownies

MaiaBob: #lit

izzyspohia: thank u guys <3  
sorry jace go ahead

heronwood: thanx  
so when clary and iz did that girl thing where u go to the loo together magnus tried to talk to him about it and be like yo,,,,,, chill

pawpatrol: i tried

heronwood: but he was like ‘what idk what ur talking about’

humanespresso: I hated him anyways.

HQmemeGod: rafi u hate everyone

pawpatrol: #exposed

heronwood: so anyway alec stepped in and called him out

pawpatrol: proud of my boi :’)

heronwood: and melon started calling us all names, he called clary and seb freaks, he called me arrogant  
im not offended its true

MaiaBob: lies  
so why did u punch him??

HQmemeGod: the melon called alec a fag and magnus an abomination, and then said izzy was just a game and that he was using her   
so i threw my drink at him and jace punched him

pawpatrol: it was more like jace pummeled him  
we got kicked out but i went back in and explained to Taki himesfl

heronwood: magnus the owner is called gary spendleton wtf

pawpatrol: so i talked to the owner,, Taki,,,, who understood and banned melon boi for eternity and gave us all medals

heronwood: no he banned me for a month, simon for a week, and then packed all our food to go?? where tf were u magnus??

HQmemeGod: is izzy okay tho, she heard the whole thing??

MaiaBob: shes put whiskey in her ice cream and is currently plotting his demise

heronwood: so shes fine then

gingernut: oh ya shes just really angry  
and now kissing maia okay time to leave

thepussyslaya: um what??? iz ??

MaiaBob: ok gtg add me back later ;)))

{{ MaiaBob left the chat! }}

{{ izzysophia left the chat! }}

SebasChan: #wild

pawpatrol: today in This Cruel World,, north kroea stil exists, melon boi is a pile of skinking horse crap, asnd maizzy is happening

thepussyslaya: mags are u drunk???

pawpatrol: maybe

gingernut: #otp

 

[2:42am]

thepussyslaya: magnus told me to tell u lot that hes very sorry for hurting gary from takis and hes going to apolgise right now

 

[3:28am]

pawpatrol: he said i didnt hur t him :’) im so happ

pawpatrol: HE GAVE ME MELON :))))))  
i can see jcaes fist mark ini t how cool is that!!!!!

 

[3:45am]

pawpatrol: Hi, it’s Gary Spendleton, the owner of Taki’s. Magnus has let me use his phone to tell you all that he thought the melon was very nice and he’s currently napping on the table where you all just ate. He’d like Alec to come and fetch him with his ‘big strong arms’. Apparently he can ‘lift a truck to save a baby with those things’. He’s very drunk and actually quite disruptive. Can this Alec person please come and fetch him. Thank you.

thepussyslaya: im alec. i’ll be right there

 

[5:11am]

pawpatrol: does any1 elses head hurt

heronwood: magnus shut up and sleep

pawpatrol: u and alec are soa li ke he jus toldm e the smae thing !!!


	3. #wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter threeeeee  
> it is Here!!  
> enjoy dudes. also stay safe   
> \- t xo

[4:35pm]

pawpatrol: y’all im gonna fuckin DIE

heronwood: magnus did u really just wake up?

pawpatrol: …..maybe  
i was busy tho

heronwood: lol okay  
wauit what ???? busy with what?????

pawpatrol: alexander was //comforting// me while i was drunk

HQmemeGod: EW EW EW EW

pawpatrol: what ?? we watched a movie and made out   
nothing SINFUL

heronwood: speaking of !!!

{{ heronwood added izzysophia and MaiaBob to the chat! }}

izzysophia: STILL BUSY GO AWAY

{{ izzysophia removed MaiaBob from the chat! }}

{{ izzysophia left the chat! }}

HQmemeGod: ew? i think?

heronwood: u bertter not

HQmemeGod: nonono let me explain  
like, ew because ew sex ew qwe dnot need to know that about our friends,,,  
but good for them??

gingernut: alec and magnus TOTALLY had sex ;))))

HQmemeGod: o ya no question about it

gingernut: yeeet

 

[11:38pm]

thepussyslaya: magnus and i did not have sex

pawpatrol: then what are we doing right now alexander

gingernut: what the fuck why a re you guys texting while having sex??

pawpatrol: im talkative okay it slipped out

thepussyslaya: um,,,,,

gingernut: okay im gone goodbye

 

 

[6:54am]

gingernut: guys wake the fuck up its time for school !!!!!!:)!!!!!!!!

HQmemeGod: did u even sleep fray ??

SebasChan: no she was up ALL NIGHT being sad and watching the notebook because malec had sex and that made her sad. idk

HQmemeGod: im buying u coffee don’t test me

SebasChan: thanks bro

HQmemeGod: i meant clary but okay sure

SebasChan: thanks bro

pawpatrol: #wild

 

[10:32am]

pawpatrol: guys what time is lunch again

thepussyslaya: its at noon?? like always??

pawpatrol: ok bc someone just told me that someones gonna beat up jace at lunch bc he beat up melon boi

thepussyslaya: wait really

gingernut: wait what  
LADIES GET BACK HERE

{{ gingernut added izzysophia and MaiaBob to the chat! }}

MaiaBob: im gonna fuck em up

izzysophia: girlfriends unite!! fuck the patriarchy!!!!

pawpatrol: congrats girls :))

MaiaBob: thanks mags

gingernut: omg :’)) the gays are rising :’))

{{ heronwood left the chat! }}

pawpatrol: oooOOH DRAMA

HQmemeGod: no hes just in econ and the teacher took his phone because of the notifs

MaiaBob: still gonna fuck em up nobody messes with my friend  
u guys down

thepussyslaya: yah sure. iz?

izzysophia: sure lets do it

pawpatrol: can i join in!

izzysophia: of course!!! lets do this >:)))

HQmemeGod: he says not to if it means ur gonna get hurt

gingernut: aw simon ur bf is so caring :’))

HQmemeGod: ……. what

gingernut: OH MY GOD I MEANT *BFF FUCK

pawpatrol: #otp

 

[12:23pm]

SebasChan: that was wild as hell you guys

izzysophia: seb we’re suspended for a week??? and a few of the other guys are in hospital????

SebasChan: #wild  
wait who is suspended

izzysophia: me, maia, alec, jace, magnus, simon

SebasChan: oh cool mom would kill me if clary got suspended for fighting

izzysophia: ????

SebasChan: i have keep her safe, she has to look out for my grades. thats the deal dont @ me

izzysophia: wait what does jocelyn even do??

SebasChan: cooks, cleans, paints. luke brings in the money tbh

izzysophia: oh cool

  
[3:56pm]

pawpatrol: IM BORED alec come save me

thepussyslaya: lol sure. popcorn??

pawpatrol: !!!!! :)

 

[8:35pm]

HQmemeGod: ive never had this much free time

gingernut: mario kart??

HQmemeGod: genius

pawpatrol: NONONONONONO GROUP OVERWATCH SESSION

SebasChan: dibs on reaper

izzysophia: dammit!! dibs on widowmaker

MaiaBob: im torbjorn or im not playing

gingernut: im mercy :)))

HQmemeGod: clary ur literally always mercy ur so basic

gingernut: (ง'̀-'́)ง

pawpatrol: Step Back Y’All

 

[10:34pm]

izzysophia: CLARY

gingernut: ya lol

izzysophia: ur dead to me

gingernut: o no :((((( im sorry i killed u shall we make it up

MaiaBob: away from my gf u carrot

pawpatrol: get Fukt

izzysophia: also maia,, my boo,,,

MaiaBob: wazzup

izzysophia: im lonely and my mom is being too supportive can i come over

MaiaBob: sure ;)

{{ izzysophia left the chat! }}

SebasChan: you guys are wild

MaiaBob: its not like you don’t have a sex life sebby

SebasChan: tru. its been a while tho


	4. the semi formal boner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a Mess  
> i hope u enjoy!!!!  
> stay safe <3  
> \- t xo

[3:40pm]

pawpatrol: guys guys guys who is coming to the semi formal tmorrow???

SebasChan: if u guys are even allowed

pawpatrol: yeah we are, i checked with dan

SebasChan: who tf is dan??

pawpatrol: our principal??

heronwood: simon is dragging me along unfortunately  
how did you not know that seb, its such a meme???

HQmemeGod: yeah i made so many head and shoulders fake adverts ???? it was everywhere??? it’s the reason i have this username???

SebasChan: wait that was you ???? i just thought that was the football team bullying someone again???

pawpatrol: it always was gonna be a meme, with a name like ‘dan druff’

gingernut: simon is also dragging my gay ass along. maybe lydia will be there  
our pricincipal is a legend :’)))

pawpatrol: clary,,, sweetie,,,

heronwood: yes he is

gingernut: what, mags

pawpatrol: shes straight.  
…. and dating john. who is a very nice person, actually

gingernut: a girl can dream okay

pawpatrol: we need to find you a gf. or a hobby

gingernut: i want a gf

HQmemeGod: Opearation Get Clary Laid

gingernut: thank u for ur contribasfgttion simon

heronwood: mood

 

 

[4:21pm]

HQmemeGod: BLAZE IT

thepussyslaya: youre 1 minute late simon. try again next time

HQmemeGod: damn it!!!

gingernut: what do i wear to the dance. help pls  
nice try simon

pawpatrol: hmmmm

HQmemeGod: lol thanks carrot

{{ pawpatrol added izzysophia and MaiaBob to the chat! }}

izzysophia: shopping trip!!!!!!

gingernut: NO

izzysophia: yes!!! im buying you some new clothes deal with it

MaiaBob: im still grounded. have fun and take photos for me?

gingernut: yayayayah cool cool cool cool

izzysophia: coming over now get ready fray

gingernut: lol okay

 

[5:47pm]

{{ izzysophia sent 2 pictures to the chat! }}

(((It's a candid shot of Clary. She's wearing a black cocktail dress with a black lace trim. Her hair is in a loose ponytail, and her makeup is natural but warm.)))

(((The second is staged shot of Izzy. Her white bodycon dress sets off her tan skin, and her dark hair is loose and flowing over her open back. Her makeup is dramatic but somehow still natural.)))

SebasChan: aww you both look so good

MaiaBob: if u come over ill curl ur hair the way you like??

izzysophia: who me or clary

MaiaBob: both of you!!

gingernut: oooo yes pls, ill bring brownies

izzysophia: sure, sounds good <3

MaiaBob: <3

HQmemeGod: go on girls !!!!

pawpatrol: did you get good shoes ??

izzysophia: she has the ones you got her magnus

pawpatrol: i thought she threw them out????

gingernut: thanks guys  
lol no theyre too expensive for that

pawpatrol: so true :’)  
you look good, biscuit. lydia would be drooling

izzysophia: thats the idea ;))))

gingernut: lord save me :’))

thepussyslaya: lord save all of us at this dance honestly

pawpatrol: but im there

thepussyslaya: oh yeah that makes everything better :)))

pawpatrol: <3

 

  
[3:40am]

heronwood: the girls look good

HQmemeGod: why the hell are you still awake jace go to bed

heronwood: cant sleep

HQmemeGod: you okay?

heronwood: dont worry about it, nerd. i got netflix

HQmemeGod: if ur sure!! if u wanna talk about it,, tho,,

heronwood: ill find alec

HQmemeGod: oh thank god im useless at advice go find alec hes p much a dad anyways

heronwood: lol okay sure

 

  
[8:53am]

gingernut: jace are u feeling any better

heronwood: i was until i got woken up

gingernut: you need to stop leaving your phone on loud honestly

HQmemeGod: i can vouch. its v annoying in econ

heronwood: do u want me to come to the dance or not

HQmemeGod: love u, j :))))

gingernut: when will ur otp ever

 

[9:54pm]

izzysophia: maia!!!!!!!

MaiaBob: i need pictures!! ik i helped you and carrot get ready but i need to see the bois and all of you together

izzysophia: okay im gonna send you them

{{ izzysophia sent 4 pictures to the chat! }}

(((The first picture is a selfie of a smiling Clary and Izzy. The ladies look much the same as before, but Clary has her hair down and her makeup is a little smokier.)))

(((The second picture is of Sebastian and Jace. Sebastian's hair is neat, and he's wearing a soft blue shirt, a navy tie, and dark blue jeans. Jace is wearing a black shirt with his silver family ring around his neck, and ripped black jeans. His hair is soft, but loose, and his eyes look luminous in the flash of the camera, the hazel patch in his left eye glowing.)))

(((The third picture is another selfie, but this time of Magnus, Simon, and Alec. Alec is holding the camera, dressed in a dark shirt and trousers, his shirt's top button open and his hair artfully tousled. His arm is around Magnus, whose cobalt blue shirt is mostly open under a dark blazer, his bare chest adorned with necklaces. His hair is spiked up, and his makeup is dramatic, glittery and smokey. Simon's glasses are held in his hands as he finger guns to the camera, his outfit consisting of jeans and a dark blazer sat over a handmade Rock Solid Panda t-shirt.)))

(((The last is a group photograph, presumably taken by a faculty member. In order from left to right stand Alec and Magnus, Simon, Jace, Clary, Izzy, and Sebastian. Dan Druff, their head master, can be seen in the background looking bored holding a glass of punch.)))

MaiaBob: too fuckign cute

pawpatrol: thanks boo

MaiaBob: did u notice dandruff

thepussyslaya: oh my god. amazing

HQmemeGod: must. make. meme.

gingernut: only when u get back simon

HQmemeGod: thank u generous meme daddy :'))

SebasChan: simon no

HQmemeGod: simon yes !!!

 

[10:05pm]

izzysophia: maia i have news

MaiaBob: if its more snapchats of malec making out i dont wanna know

izzysophia: nonono its jace news

gingernut: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MaiaBob: tell me ????

izzysophia: look at the pic of him again

gingernut: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MaiaBob: i have??? i am???

izzysophia: nononononono LOOK

gingernut: context,,,, raj is taking the photo

MaiaBob: is that a Boner ?????????

izzysophia: ......wait what???

heronwood: what???

pawpatrol: i was gonna say that his hazel patch has grown again but oh my god  
thats a real boner !!!!

heronwood: no its not its the ligtijg

HQmemeGod: no it was, j, it was. dont deny ur kinks

gingernut: raj did look fly tho. if i wasn't gay....

heronwood: ???????? oh my god

MaiaBob: oh my god

izzysophia: oh my god

gingernut: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

[10:40pm]

izzysophia: UPDATE

MaiaBob: yes pls!!!!!

izzysophia: jace and raj juust left, malec are making out in the corner, dandruff is really bored and talking to sebby, and simon and clary are sat with a hip flask being sad bc theyre single

MaiaBob: my mom says i can come over to yours?. if u want??

izzysophia: yes!!! !! ! jace might be over btw,,, i'll meet u there :)))


	5. #exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was giggling while writing this  
> i hope u enjoy this Filth  
> stay safe !!!  
> \- t xo

[12:12am]

{{ MaiaBob removed heronwood from the chat! }}

MaiaBob: no thank u

gingernut: um  
are u guys okay??

thepussyslaya: what just happened

MaiaBob: i don’t want 2 tell u

izzysophia: traslation - im shook but i want u all to know

thepussyslaya: then im not sure i want to know

HQmemeGod: i do tell me tell me

MaiaBob: dms?

HQmemeGod: ya sure

gingernut: um what is happening

HQmemeGod: PLEASE CAN WE EXPOSE HIM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

{{ thepussyslaya added heronwood to the chat! }}

heronwood: nononononono pls no

MaiaBob: i dont caer who is was with i just need bleach for my ears ok???

gingernut: did jace get laid?? get it bro !!

HQmemeGod: oh my GOD fray where were u this whole night???

gingernut: thinkin bout those copic markers that are on sale

HQmemeGod: o right yeah

gingernut: anyway back to jace !!! !

MaiaBob: oh yeah he got it alright. at izzys house. in the living room. on the couch

heronwood: maia pls

thepussyslaya: jace stop freaking out we love u here ok just tell us whats up

pawpatrol: i nap on that couch ew ew ew ew

SebasChan: i wouldnt say love,,

gingernut: back the FUCK up sebby  
u legit said the other day that u “love those fuckers”

SebasChan: o shit u right nvm carry on

heronwood: ik u guys wont care but im still scared okay

izzysophia: we're here!! jace u can tell us anything

heronwood: im bisexual

thepussyslaya: we know,,,, we meant the other thing

pawpatrol: jace ur in good hands me too !!!!!

heronwood: why does tha not make me feel better?

gingernut: prouid of u budy!!!

heronwood: um  
maia if u really want to,, tell them

MaiaBob: jace is a Kinky Boi

SebasChan: proud of u!!!!  
also whats new,,,, we all thought that was just common knowlegse

gingernut: ya i mean have u guys seen him when someone tells him hes good at smth ??? praise kink out the wazoo

heronwood: um

HQmemeGod: cute  
but u guys  
did u see him that time he spilt his hot coffee all over him  
it was like  
BONER

MaiaBob: also that time mangus said “come to daddy” to a cat and jace blushed super fucking hard

gingernut: sebby said that to a bowl of spaghettios and jace popped a wicked boner

SebasChan: to be fair i did kind of moan it

pawpatrol: sebby has a pasta kink #confirmed

heronwood: um,,,,,,

MaiaBob: its ok jace lots of people have kinks  
like izzy

pawpatrol: #exposed

izzysophia: i have nothing to hide do ur worst

MaiaBob: shes a dom lmao

HQmemeGod: omg

heronwood: cant relate

gingernut: oh my god ????

thepussyslaya: this group chat is full of sin. where the bleach at

pawpatrol: no bleach for u mister

thepussyslaya: ……. but why

pawpatrol: b ci said so

thepussyslaya: dammit

SebasChan: our Gay Boi is whipped

gingernut: yeah he is ;))))

thepussyslaya: its jace that has the pain kink here not me

heronwood: rudeass. gonna go and sleep have fun losers

HQmemeGod: our boi all tuckered out :’) what a pure baby

MaiaBob: simon wtf

{{ heronwood left the chat! }}

pawpatrol: alec  
are u sure tho

thepussyslaya: yeah,,, im sure,,,,  
pawpatrol: ok cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

gingernut: brooklyn 99 :’) what a show  
can magnus and alec just dtr alreadty honeslty theyre so peerfect for each other i die

HQmemeGod: mood


	6. spit it out nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no words to describe this  
> i hope you enjoy  
> stay safe <3  
> \- t xo

[1:31pm]

HQmemeGod: guys guys gUYS

izzysophia: what???

HQmemeGod: guys guys guys guts gutys gutst

MaiaBob: spit it out nerd

HQmemeGod: CLARTY WHERE ARE YOU

pawpatrol: “clarty”

thepussyslaya: clarty

MaiaBob: clarty

HQmemeGod: the diSRESPECT

gingernut: simon you just called me,, SOBBING into a bowl of mac n cheese,,,, what   
the fuck,,,,,,,

HQmemeGod: lighten up ppl

MaiaBob: simon what the fuck is up with you

HQmemeGod: hannah montana got cancelled

izzysophia: ………………….. gtg

{{ izzysophia left the chat! }}

gingernut: really. are you FUCKING serious  
you interrupt me,,, in the middle of my art lesson,,,,, to tell us THAT

MaiaBob: honestly i fucking despair

HQmemeGod: what the fuck  
how could they do this to us  
first my little pony,,, abnd now this???????  
I cant do this alone   
i need a True Friend

{{ HQmemeGod added whosmydaddy to the chat! }}

gingernut: ……………. ???   
jace?????

whosmydaddy: First of all,,,,, what

thepussyslaya: ,,,,,,,,,bro,,,,,

HQmemeGod: im wheezing

whosmydaddy: Second of all,,,,,,who

MaiaBob: I wish I knew holy hells that is funny

HQmemeGod: still wheezing  
clary where did you put my inhaler

gingernut: its in your bag, dumbass. like always  
hang on

MaiaBob: im crying ohm y gOD

whosmydaddy: i did not consent to this Abuse

gingernut: just asked seb it washim lmao

SebasChan: lol iyt me hi

{{ thepussyslaya added izzysophia to the chat! }}

izzysophia: alec NOT NOW

{{ izzysophia left the chat! }}

thepussyslaya: rudeass

SebasChan: okayyyyy whats up with her ???

whosmydaddy: no idea

MaiaBob: she’s busy guys theres this massive English project due tomorrow and she has a shit group so ya

HQmemeGod: whoa,.,,,.,,, grammar

gingernut: cant relate

{{ thepussyslaya added izzysophia to the chat! }}

izzysophia: alec.

thepussyslaya: izzy

izzysophia: jace

whosmydaddy: clary

gingernut: simon?

HQmemeGod: donkey!!!!

  
[4:31pm]

MaiaBob: guys just to let u know me n izzy are no longer a thing

thepussyslaya: um okay i hope u guys are cool ??

izzysophia: still friends. still buddies.   
omg guys someone come with me to taco bell now i've done the WHOLE PROJECT by myself

gingernut: (shakespeare voice) a flameth that doth burneth brighteth doth not lasteth

thepussyslaya: carrot are you high

MaiaBob: im grounded but if u get me a baja blast i will pay u back ?

izzysophia: sure np

gingernut: high on life

HQmemeGod: the otp is dead :(((  
but i’ll come with !!!

thepussyslaya: um. are you okay

gingernut: no not really,, my hands are shaky from caffeine

thepussyslaya: art stuff??  
take a break carrot

gingernut: no its due tomorrow and i've just finished the outline

HQmemeGod: fray,,, take a break

gingernut: i will if u bring me back a baja blast and a cheesy gordita

izzysophia: sure :))))

gingernut: thank u,,, my bestest budys

whosmydaddy: sure, i need me a burrito

  
[5:33pm]

izzysophia: okay guys who here is single

pawpatrol: lol what

thepussyslaya: ^^^^^

gingernut: not for long lmao

whosmydaddy: i wish i wasnt but none of u incompetent fucks are gonna do anything about it okay

MaiaBob: don’t u dare

izzysophia: been there done that not gonna trry and set u up agian

HQmemeGod: IZZY NO

izzysophia: what??? youjust complained for an whole HOUR that ur single and now u dontwant a gf???

HQmemeGod: i never specified!!!!!

gingernut: ………………..

MaiaBob: wait what

pawpatrol: they grow upso fast :’)))

gingernut: …………….

thepussyslaya: um. okay,,,,

gingernut: ………………………………………

izzysophia: clary are u okay

gingernut: simon,,,, my bestest friend,,,,,

HQmemeGod: ……yes?

pawpatrol: o no !!!!!

gingernut: im so proud of u honestly :’)))))

pawpatrol: o yes !!!!!!

HQmemeGod: :’’’’))))))

{{ whosmydaddy left the chat! }}

pawpatrol: o no !!!!!!!!!!

 

[6:07pm]

{{ pawpatrol added gingernut, thepussyslaya, MaiaBob, and izzysophia to the chat! }}

{{ pawpatrol named the chat MISSION JIMON !.!,.!!!!!! }}

{{ Happy chatting! }}

pawpatrol: listen the Fuck Up y’all

thepussyslaya: couldntt this have gone in the other chat ???

pawpatrol: no !!!  
its is about simon and jace  
jimon are endgame now

gingernut: i can get behind this

thepussyslaya: what makes u think that mags

pawpatrol: i was with simon when jave was being exposed   
he got really jealous that jace was sexing someone else

izzysophia: and jace has always gotten jealous of simons gfs  
even thte disatser that was climon

gingernut: exactly!!

pawpatrol: so how do we make it happen

thepussyslaya: no, how do we make it happen while theyre SOBER mags

pawpatrol: u know me so well

thepussyslaya: i try

gingernut: my question is when is malec gonna DTR

pawpatrol: like,, last week keep up fray

thepussyslaya: we didnt tell anyone on purpose mags

pawpatrol: Look,,,  
im sorry i just want ppl to know b ci like u a lot

thepussyslaya: i like u too mags, dw. just close friends?

pawpatrol: wiat are u breaking up w/ me

thepussyslaya: nononono i meant can we just offically tell close friends

pawpatrol: yes!!!! as long as ur comfy boo

thepussyslaya: yeah yeah yeah.  
onto jimon

gingernut: otp :’))))

izzysophia: can we just lock them into a closet and see what happens

gingernut: who malec or jimon

MaiaBob: no iz they just need gentle encouragement

gingernut: “encouragenemtn”  
mmore like

MaiaBob: you illiterate fuck

gingernut: more like blackmail  
rudeass

MaiaBob: true  
so are we doing this or what

gingernut: is this peer pressure

pawpatrol: ya sure  
of course!!!!  
THIS IS FIGHT CLUB. KEEP THE SCRET

gingernut: ya lol okay

izzysophia: of course

MaiaBob: duh

thepussyslaya: sure

{{ pawpatrol removed gingernut, MaiaBob, izzysophia and thepussyslaya from the chat! }}

pawpatrol: im so lonely :’((

{{ pawpatrol deleted the chat! }}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you wanna see from these Wild kids next?? i guess?? also hit me up on tumblr (jxceherxndxle) and twitter (trxnxti) for a chat if you want!  
> -t xo <3


	7. stop the pokéracism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG TIME NO SEE!! SORRY ABOUT THAT  
> this chapter is pretty fucky. sue me  
> stay safe loves!!  
> \- t xo

[9:30pm]

izzysophia: guys guys ypu know jow this chat has been dead for ages during exams  
NOT ANYMORE BITCHES

{{ izzysophia added whosmydaddy to the chat! }}

whosmydaddy: izzy pls no

HQmemeGod: izzy pls yes

gingernut: is jace being kinky again

izzysophia: yes yes he is

HQmemeGod: he was being kinky last night!!

gingernut: why were u with him

whosmydaddy: clary wtf

HQmemeGod: no,, but raj was

gingernut: isnt he the one that set fire to the desk in that chem lab we all had??

whosmydaddy: ,,,,,, how tf  
also yes

gingernut: and u gave him ur jacket bc his coat got burnt??

thepussyslaya: it was fuck ugly anyways

whosmydaddy: how tf do u guys know any of this  
also how the fuck did you know about last night simon

HQmemeGod: izzy was tutoring me and yr not exactly quiet, j

pawpatrol: "tutoring" i think u mean sinning

MaiaBob: straight people ammirite

HQmemeGod: hes bi???

gingernut: you dated victor aldertree???

MaiaBob: i said what i said ?????

thepussyslaya: oh my god did you really date aldertree

MaiaBob: listen,

gingernut: yes she did

izzysophia: omg i forgot about that!!!

MaiaBob: i was hoping everyone had

HQmemeGod: it was gross maia everyone remembers

gingernut: tru

MaiaBob: IT WAS NINTH GRADE

whosmydaddy: you dated him???? ew?????

izzysophia: ikr

MaiaBob: shut up ur dating raj

whosmydaddy: hes nice

HQmemeGod: and a dom

izzysophia: speaking of jace being kinky,,

pawpatrol: CAN I TELL THEM CAN I TELL THEM PLS IZZY

thepussyslaya: magnus where are u going

izzysophia: yea sure

thepussyslaya: magnus come back im cold

pawpatrol: it started in 1883,,,

gingernut: here we go

thepussyslaya: magnus, babe,

HQmemeGod: ,,,,, dead

pawpatrol: basically,

HQmemeGod: "babe"

pawpatrol: there was a cute waitress,

thepussyslaya: excuse you??

pawpatrol: not as cute as u!!

izzysophia: was that alec that just screamed??

whosmydaddy: i think so  
it wasnt me amyways

thepussyslaya: it was church

pawpatrol: and the waiter was british,

whosmydaddy: wow

gingernut: church is ur cat??

thepussyslaya: go away carrot

pawpatrol: and she took his order bc he arrived late,

gingernut: rudeass gay boy

thepussyslaya: u love me

gingernut: prove it?????

thepussyslaya: new phone who dis??

pawpatrol: and when he asked for extra fries she goes,

HQmemeGod: finally getting to the good stuff

whosmydaddy: magnus pls

HQmemeGod: shut up j let me hear this!!!

izzysophia: reasearch for when u two get married

pawpatrol: she goes, "of course, pet!" and smiles really kindly

HQmemeGod: oh wow

gingernut: nice one izzy

izzysophia: thanks clary!!

pawpatrol: and jace gets the biggest blush on his face

whosmydaddy: magnus,,,,

HQmemeGod: izzy wtf

pawpatrol: and when he stands up u can see his boner,

gingernut: JACE,,,,

MaiaBob: dont kinksjame him clary

whosmydaddy: thank u maia

gingernut: wait for it;

MaiaBob: yw, pet

gingernut: you could have done so much better,

whosmydaddy: the disrepsect,,,

MaiaBob: still worked??

pawpatrol: call him litten and see how he reacts

HQmemeGod: jace has a pokemon kink: confirmed

pawpatrol: *****kitten

izzysophia: why litten?? why not wheedle???

gingernut: noone likes wheedle iz

izzysophia: i do??

thepussyslaya: she had a pet worm when she was 8 dont ask

gingernut: ok,, but why not a rattata?? or a drowzee??

izzysophia: gasp

MaiaBob: domestic quarrels

izzysophia: did you just say a drowzee is better than a litten??!??

gigernut: no??

HQmemeGod: stop the pokéracism

gingernut: im saying that there are so many options its hard to choose a favourite

whosmydaddy: what the fuck you guys

izzysophia: blastoise is better anyways

MaiaBob: its like we're the only sane ones here

gingernut: blastoise?!

whosmydaddy: i dont think any of us are sane here

pawpatrol: i had a litten called greg once  
oh alexander needs me brb

gingernut: ;£;)):;););));)()):())));))))

MaiaBob: i agree

pawpatrol: *******kitten

thepussyslaya: pls magnus come back to bed


	8. i give him a 2 for effort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT HAS BEEN SO LONG IM SO SORRY  
> but mental health and school had to come first  
> i'm not saying im back on my shit, but have a way too short lil nugget of confusion  
> come chat with me on twitter/tumblr: @lxghtwoodlxve  
> stay safe, babes!!  
> \- t xo <3

[4:03am]

izzysophia: photo attached  
(((It's a photo of Magnus and Alec in bed. They are both cuddling naked and you can see Alec's back tattoo.)))

whosmydaddy: what the hell iz

gingernut: izzy why theyre gonna kill you dead

izzysophia: pffft im not worried

whosmydaddy: why the hell not??

izzysophia: alec loves me too much,

gingernut: fairs

izzysophia: and who else is magnus gonna go shoe shopping with

whosmydaddy: maia?? duh??

izzysophia: lies and treachery

pawpatrol: what was that noise

izzysophia: what noise

pawpatrol: there was a banging noise??

izzysophia: no there wasnt??

pawpatrol: how,, would you know,,

izzysophia: uhhhhhhhh

gingernut: mags, scroll up

izzysophia: gonna kill you carrot

gingernut: bring it

pawpatrol: that was a cute pic iz  
WAIT

izzysophia: Oh No

whosmydaddy: karma

pawpatrol: WHERE DID YUO GET THA TPICTURE

izzysophia: im on your balcony chill

whosmydaddy: instant karma

izzysophia: whats your problem with me today jace

whosmydaddy: last night?? when i washed my hair???

izzysophia: i have no idea what you're talking abt j hoenstly

whosmydaddy: THEN WHY IS MY HAIR PURPLE

izzysophia: lol idk

pawpatrol: jace dyed his hair??

thepussyslaya: izzy why are you dressed like the dancing pumpkin guy  
also why are you on our balcony

izzysophia: i was bored and nobody answered the doorbell so i went climbing

gingernut: SIMON GET IN HERE

HQmemeGod: WHY DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR SHOE AT ME

gingernut: ALEC KNOWS A MEME

HQmemeGod: HHHHHHHHH

gingernut: alec you made him cry

thepussyslaya: whoops

whosmydaddy: I DID NOT DYE MY HAIR

SebasChan: you said you did tho???

whosmydaddy: SEB I WILL KILL YOU

SebasChan: lmao okay

gingernut: My Brother Is A Maniac - Confirmed,

pawpatrol: IZZY WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK THE LOCK

thepussyslaya: IZZY NO

pawpatrol: ISABELLE SOPHIA LIGHTWOOD

izzysophia: ya lol

pawpatrol: WHY ARE YOU IN OUR ROOM

izzysophia: YOU WILL THANK ME LATER

gingernut: "our" room

whosmydaddy: //our// room

SebasChan: ////OUR//// ROOM

gingernut: you made simon cry,, again,, magnus,, well done,,

pawpatrol: thank you  
sorry sherwin

HQmemeGod: not this again

thepussyslaya: isabelle???

izzysophia: whoops gotta go fast

pawpatrol: WHY ARE YOU UNDER OUR BED

thepussyslaya: what the hell iz

SebasChan: i really didnt think she was gonna do it

whosmydaddy: do what  
OH   
OH YA THAT

pawpatrol: DO WHAT

thepussyslaya: OH MY GOD IS THAT A MEGABOX OF TWINKIES

izzysophia: gotta go fast!!!!!!!

pawpatrol: ISABELLE COME BACK HE.RE

thepussyslaya: WHY IS THE BOX SO BIG

pawpatrol: what the hell just happened??!? ?? ?!!!L?!??

thepussyslaya: MAGNUS PLS EXPLAIN WHY YOU NEEDED SUCH A BIG ONE

HQmemeGod: thats what she said

whosmydaddy: 0/10 stale meme, try again

SebasChan: i give him a 2 for effort

gingernut: OH MY FUCKING GOD

HQmemeGod: language, fray

gingernut: sht the fuck up you vapid fucking bitch ass sewer rat

HQmemeGod: what did i ever do???

gingernut: you woke me up by pouring ice water over my face

HQmemeGod: IT WAS A DARE

gingernut: IT WAS COLD

HQmemeGod: YOU DARED ME TO??

gingernut: I WAS DRUNK AT THE TIME

HQmemeGod: WHY DOES THAT MATTER????

gingernut: ?!?!!?!!!!?!?!????!?!?!

HQmemeGod: that doesnt really answer the question but okay sure

SebasChan: i love this

whosmydaddy: you mean you love compleTE AND UTTER CHAOS

SebasChan: yes :')

izzysophia: twinkies - ruining friendships since 1867

whosmydaddy: a whole ass mood

 


	9. clebeating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey! ho! where's joe! (joe's fucked off)  
> joe, in this case, is my mental health. sorry?  
> stay safe, and i hope you enjoy this long overdue chapter. thank you for your patience!  
> \- t xo

HQmemeGod: guis canw e stop kinkshameinf jacee pla he is sMol and pire and worthy of loce

MaiaBob: what the fucc does that even mean???

gingernut: we all out drinking

whosmydaddy: i'll sign this petition

MaiaBob: oH

HQmemeGod: change.org

whosmydaddy: ur now my fave person in the chat what has this world come to

SebasChan: why is simon crying

thepussyslaya: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUESS WHAT

izzysophia: WE KNOW UR GAY ALEC CALM DOWN

thepussyslaya: IM GA Y

gingernut: WE KNOW

HQmemeGod: W E KNO W

SebasChan: i had no idea

thepussyslaya: a TRAVETSY

izzysophia: WHERE IS MAGNUS

thepussyslaya: in heavNe

gingernut: WHAT

whosmydaddy: nononono clary the bar we're in is called Heaven

gingernut: How Do I Not Know Where I Am

izzysophia: WHY ARE YOU NOT WITH MAGNUS

whosmydaddy: oh my god

thepussyslaya: he wonmt datE me

gingernut: ur already dating him alec??????

thepussyslaya: wh

HQmemeGod: alec come back

whosmydaddy: ALEC

izzysophia: that's it. i'm coming to get you all

gingernut: o no.......grammar.....

HQmemeGod: it HrURTS

whosmydaddy: why did we ever

HQmemeGod: clebeating

whosmydaddy: what were we celebrating

gingernut: u broke up with raj

whosmydaddy: good POINT he was a DICK

HQmemeGod: yeET

gingernut: retweet

SebasChan: what did he do again?

gingernut: uhhhh can i get aaaaa cheating asshole in the bin pls

MaiaBob: done. thank you for your custom.

whosmydaddy: simon

HQmemeGod: y

whosmydaddy: h

izzysophia: i'm interrupting the gay shit to take you all home. get in the car.

gingernut: wait where's the car

MaiaBob: where are u??

gingernut: i think im sat down

izzysophia: you've got her maia?

MaiaBob: yeah, you get everyone else

izzysophia: great. thx

thepussyslaya: IZZU

pawpatrol: ISABELLE

izzysophia: GET IN THE CAR

MaiaBob: the fuck is happening here

thepussyslaya: pls dint tell mOm

whosmydaddy: seconded

izzysophia: who do you think is driving us?

HQmemeGod: CLARY JACE kiSSED ME

gingernut: wha

whosmydaddy: no im not

MaiaBob: oh my fucking god

SebasChan: im shook

HQmemeGod: im drunk

thepussyslaya: im G A

izzysophia: that's enough of that

whosmydaddy: IZZY GIVE HIM HIS PHONE BACK

izzysophia: no.

gingernut: where am i


End file.
